I'm returning to work soon and dreading dealing with this on top of everything else.ĭavid replies: The first thing that strikes me about your family circumstances is that your daughter may be feeling the squeeze since the baby arrived. She'll walk around the room pulling things out, sing, slap us to get our attention. We stay in the room with her, but she will do anything rather than sleep. She gets a couple of stories, we go through what she did during the day, tell her it's bedtime and say goodnight. It can take anything up to three hours for her to fall asleep. Trying to get her to bed at night is really taking its toll on us all, including our 11-month-old. Our little girl is just over two-years-old. Our two-year-old takes three hours to fall asleep at night and it is really taking its toll on us No matter how they react, though, they still deserve to know, hard and all as it may be to tell them. I think that if your children feel like they are being treated as adults, in terms of being entrusted with this information about the family, that they will respect you and their dad more. Youngsters, in my experience, are resilient and more open minded than we may give them credit for.
As I mentioned, their dad needs to be similarly available to them. Show them that you are willing to listen to them and willing to keep talking and explaining as best you can. Try to be warm and understanding, however they may react. Remember also that each of your children may react differently since they will all have their own personalities and separate feelings about the situation. So rather than trying to predict their reaction, just be open to it. They may be anxious about the future and what it may hold, or how their friends, other family, or the wider community may react as the news spreads wider (which it is almost bound to do). They may be angry that this is foisted upon them, or that you and their dad carried this "secret" for so long. They may be upset at the potential for a break up of the family. Yes, shock may be the starting point, but after the shock may come a range of other emotions. The real issue about telling them is not the fact of telling them, or the need to tell them, but you and their dad's willingness to be emotionally available afterwards to help them as they begin to process and digest the news. It is hard to live in a house where there is tension or disharmony and not be aware of it.
#Young son and dad gay videos full
They may not have guessed the full details, but, if things are bad between you and your husband they are very likely to be aware. When you do tell them you may be surprised to learn that they already knew, or were suspicious, that something was up. It is far better for them to hear this news from both of you. If so, then it is only a matter of time before your children find out from someone else. Indeed, the need to tell them maybe more acute if he is in a relationship with another man, since it is quite possible that this is already known locally. He needs to be fully on board with both the decision to tell them and the manner in which they are told. I do think it is important that their dad is centrally involved in explaining things to them. Hopefully, even though things are difficult between you and their dad, you have enough of a relationship left to be able to talk to the children together. If this is indeed the case, then I think explaining about their dad's sexuality just provides a context to help them understand why the marriage is no longer tenable for you or for their dad. Certainly, if he is in another relationship, it must be almost impossible to keep up the charade of marriage. I am inferring, from the way you have described the situation, that another reason you are contemplating telling them now is because you and their dad are considering separating. The fact that the news may be shocking is no reason to delay telling them. I'm afraid it will be a terrible shock to them.ĭavid replies: Whenever your children find out the truth about their dad's sexuality it will be a shock for them, just as it was a shock for you. I worry about local talk and the effect on the children when they hear the truth. My husband is in another relationship and things are just too difficult between us now. Now our children are teenagers and I wonder if this is the time to tell them the truth? I am 99pc certain that they have no idea, as we have hidden our issues so well over the years. Obviously this rattled my world, but I told no one and chose to stay with him because our children were small. Many years ago I found out my husband is gay.
#Young son and dad gay videos how to
Advice from parenting expert and clinical psychologist David Coleman on how to tell children that their dad is gay and on how best to get your two-year-old child to sleep at night.